Blended Families

This week's topic was harder for me to read about and talk about in class. My parents divorced when I was about 11, and my mother quickly had a new man in her life. This was hard for me and my siblings to accept, and in some ways it still is.

I have a fairly good relationship with my step sisters, but my mom's husband is not close to me and my siblings at all. This has caused some problems in my household, and the situation is still tense. Being away has given me a new perspective, and the things I've learned in class have helped me to see how the relationships between us have led to this.

Drawing the subsets on the board also helped me to better express why the family relations in blended families can be so strained. All the subsets that form due to blended families, as well as previous relationships between the divorced spouses can add strain. It was good for me to see it drawn on the board; it gave me a different way to express the relationships in my family.

Parenting

I felt like I couldn't take notes fast enough in class this week! I feel like I learned so many things, and some were ideas that I never would have realized on my own.

In talking about parenting styles, I got a new perspective. There were many things that we were encouraged not to do that I hadn't realized were that bad. I'd seen so many parents do those things to their children-like lecturing, or not really taking the time to listen-and I don't think I fully understood the affect it can have on the way the children view their parents.

It can seem so complicated! There were so many things that we should do, and even more things we shouldn't do when parenting. At first it seems overwhelming (and I know it will be at times) but I think the most important thing to remember is to loving when disciplining. Children will need to be disciplined, but if you let love guide you, it will be an effective method of disciplining. When you let love lead, it's hard to go wrong.

Decision Making

"It is not natural for 2 people to be completely equal. It is divine."

This statement made during class really made me think. I realized that yes, it's hard for two people to be completely equal in the way they make decisions. It's hard for each to have their say and to accomplish what they each want. Yes it is hard, but it can be done!

It is a divine thing for a man and a woman to be complete equals. They may have different views, opinions, and roles, but they are equal. In order for a family to function most effectively, a husband and wife have to view each other (and themselves) as equals. Each plays a vital role in families, and if they don't sustain and support one another, the family will not live up to its full potential.

Methods of Coping

I think this was something I needed to learn. There are many methods of coping, some of which are effective, and some that aren't. I realized some things that I need to change to help myself and my family cope better.

A lot of times, I'll use the avoidance method of coping. I won't talk about my problems; I just internalize them. I know there are problems, but I just won't talk about them. I realized through our discussion that this won't solve anything! I'll never be able to work through my problems by not discussing them and looking for how I can change it. This gave me a lot to think about.

Coping means taking raw edges and putting them together. There will always be raw edges in our lives; thing we'd rather do differently or trials that come into our lives. But it's the way we choose to cope-to work through those problems-that will determine the outcome. We can use ineffective coping methods, which will leave us with sloppy corners that don't quite fit, or we can find better methods that will leave us with smooth results. I know what I want!

Belonging

I think all people innately want to feel close to someone. They want to be loved, and to love someone in return. This love doesn't necessarily mean romantic love either. People just want to feel like they belong.

Sometimes we ruin any chances we have of having a closeness with someone though. We may lack communication, or commitment. Maybe we don't try hard to understand others. Or maybe we're afraid to get too close to someone for fear of pain and disappointment down the road.

But it's important for us to overcome these things. To be emotionally and physically and mentally healthy, I believe that people need to have someone in their life that they can turn to, whether it be a friend, parent, sibling, or spouse. It's hard sometimes to talk to people about what you feel, or why you feel that way, but it's necessary.

I believe that communication makes for a strong relationship. If you can openly discuss your problems and joys and your concerns and your fears, I think you have a strong foundation. You can't have the closeness that we all long for without opening up to the loved ones in your life.

What is Love?

It was so interesting to hear all the different kinds of love. I hadn't ever stopped to think about each of these aspects, but it was an eye opening experience. I think people often neglect certain aspects of love, which will definitely harm relationships.

One thing I thought about was how much the media feeds into this idea of romantic love. These are the whirlwind romances that sweep you off your feet and give you a happily ever after. As exciting as that sounds, I think focusing only on romantic love will leave one disappointed. If you only build a relationship on romantic love, it won't last long. Love needs to have strong foundations in friendship and service and caring if it's going to last.

To me, love is caring about someone so much that you're willing to sacrifice for them. I also liked another definition given in class-the willingness to extend oneself for the growth of others.

Gender

The topics we discussed this week have made me stop and think. The topic of gender differences, and gender itself, is so controversial now. It seems no matter what your belief, somebody disagrees with you. I'm realizing more and more how important it is to be informed, so that when someone has questions about my belief I can explain why I believe what I do.

I believe that gender differences are important. Where would the world be if we all had the same characteristics and tendencies? I think that men and women are different so that they can help each other become better. Alone, we don't learn anything. But together, I think men and women help each other smooth out some rough edges and sharp corners.

We also discussed the topic of gender in my Family Foundations class this week. Something I learned that really stuck out to me is that alone, a man and a woman are incomplete. But together, a man and woman complement and perfect each. We cannot live up to our full potential alone. We need someone to help us get there.

Systems

In class today Brother Williams showed an interesting demonstration. He had people in our class get up and stand in a circle holding hands. Then he went around the circle and pulled at just one person. When he would pull at just one person, the whole circle was affected. Other people had to shift and move so that the circle would stay whole.

This is a perfect representation of how families work. Just one person's actions affect the whole family, whether they be for good or bad. I've seen this at work in my own family. One kind action can change the whole attitude of the family, while one angry word can tear it apart. I used to feel like nothing I did could change the way my family is, but I'm realizing that's not true. The little things I do each day for my family at home, or my roommates here, can change a lot.

Family Interactions

In class someone mentioned that I thought was really interesting. We were talking about subsets-a group within a group-and how they affect the family. Someone said that the most important subset is that between the husband and wife, and how the parents treat their children.

I sometimes wonder if people realize how much of an influence the relationship between husband and wife has on the kids. If the husband and wife have a strong mariage, the kids thrive. They feel safer and more secure because they know that their parents are happy.

However if the husband and wife have a bad relationship, the kids suffer along with the parents. It causes so much tension and worry in the household. It's amazing to realize how much that one subset can affect the whole family, for good or for bad.

Trends Today

We talked in class about the different trends in marriage and child rearing. It's interesting how much things have changed, but it's also a little sad to see these changes.

One thing I found interesting is that people who live together before marriage really don't have a very good success rate. They may think they're being smart by seeing how they get along before they get married, but it doesn't work out very well. They don't start off with a strong foundation-it's almost like there's less trust in the relationship. They don't know if they're going to stay together, so they'll "just see what happens." They're not invested in each other, so of course it doesn't work!

I also thought it was sad how people are postponing marriage. This is something that I've had to think a lot about. I've had so many people tell me to wait till I'm at least 25 to start thinking about marriage. They assure me that I'll be happier if I do that, and that I'll be grateful in the long run that I waited before getting married.

I don't understand how they think this is a good idea. If you live for yourself only, what kind of person does that make you? What kind of person will I be if I put off marriage because I want more time fo myself? That seems selfish.

I'm not ready to get married right now, but I hope that when the time comes, I'll know it's right. I hope that what I'm learning from this class can help me explain to people why I don't want to wait years and years till I start thinking about marriage. I think finding the one you love and starting a spe life with them sounds wonderful and exciting! Why would anyone put that off?

Here we go!

 I'm already loving my Family Relations class! I know that family is the most important thing, and I want to make family my priority throughout the rest of my life. There is so much in this world that will try to tell us that money and a career are more important than raising a family...but I'm not going to let that happen to me!

Family is what will bring us the most peace and joy. At the end of my life, I want to look back and see that I'd done all I could for my family. That's why I am so excited for this class. I have so much to learn, and I can't wait!